Money

A reader asked me to do a piece on my relationship with money and how I think about personal finance. This is an attempt- T I hope this is in the ballpark of what you were looking to read :)

1994

“Why have I only got a piece of paper as a prize ? ”

I was 5 at that time. I had won second prize at the National Shankar Art Competition. I had been handed an envelope with a cheque. Other kids had gone up on stage and received large red teddy bears and colourful bicycles. I recall going up to my mother, puzzled and bewildered. The explanation from my father that the cheque would go into a bank and could be used to buy much more than a bicycle and a teddy bear was not reassuring. A scam was afoot and I was upset to be at the receiving end.

Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

2010

“Thank you for considering me but I don’t think I will be accepting this offer. I don’t think I want to commit three years”.  

I told the CEO of a financial trading firm. I had bagged the highest paying job my college placement cell had to offer. On the second interaction with the CEO, I instinctively knew something was off. He was caressing a woman not much older than me during our interview and telling me how I could be Vice President in three years and take her position.

I’m not sure how I had this clarity at 21(my parents may deserve some amount of credit), but no amount of money was worth whatever shady shit was going on.

2024

“ Paisa phek, tamasha dekh” – the crowd at Pablos chanted in perfect unison. It was the eve of Diwali, so for one night only, Hindi music droned on the speaker. It’s a famous song that the Hindi belt of India danced to in our undergrad days. The phrase evoked a level of awareness. You can throw money at things and watch the circus unfold. This pretty much sums up life: whether it’s the government bribing its citizens with cash handouts for votes, a billionaire asking the government to let defense airports be used for a private party or the silence of the civilized nations as the live streaming of a genocide expands geographically. Pretty much everything can be bought.

Even though I have been aware of this fact for many years, I haven’t exactly done much to amass any wealth. When I was 22, my plan was to work to join an international agency and become a staff member. I would marry, buy a home and would be doing work that made a difference in the world. The added benefit to an international agency was that my children’s education would be taken care of till they turned 25.  

These dreams came crashing after a 3-month internship. I knew I couldn’t do it, it didn’t matter how much money and security was on offer. I could not have my soul being crushed. My aspirations would just have to adapt and grow up.

“ Money, it's a crime
Share it fairly, but don't take a slice of my pie
Money, so it's said
It's the root of all evil today
But if you ask for a rise
It's no surprise that they're giving none away” -
Money by Pink Floyd

I have shifted from idealism to pragmatism in my mid 30s. I took a job in crypto that paid me enough and gave me the time needed to write my book. I had to push myself to stay on, when some of the decisions being made my senior management were insane. Because of the money. But this was a temporary shackling. Making a decision about when to get out and sticking to it, has given me direction. I do some projects that pay well even if they don’t really interest me so that I have the cushioning ( in the form of savings, insurance covers) needed to enjoy the life of a freelancer and pursue projects that may never see any financial returns.

Once in a while, when I hear of my friends marrying, buying homes and deciding to have children: I often feel like I’m a sub-adult. Like there’s something wrong with me for not following this path. But then I have to re-centre myself to recognise that I am not leading the life they are. And they are not leading my life either. And neither of these states of living are set in stone. Neither of us gets to judge or prescribe to the other. My money gets saved and invested to travel and see the world and the spectacular biodiversity it has to offer, while we still can. I’ve moved to a state I absolutely adore. It has curbed my need to travel with significant expense because clean air, a forest, waterfall, and beach are all a 45-minute drive away.

I’m not working towards ownership of a home. That is a privilege I get to have because my parents and sibling have a home, which I can always go back to. It helps that I actually like them :). So, I want to do my best not to waste it by force-fitting other people’s aspirations financial or otherwise onto my life.